Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Send help, water and tortillas.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
