then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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