Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
