yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
