Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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