Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
