the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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