p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
