I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
