And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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