She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I party with great urgency now.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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