Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
