I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Randomize
