If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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