Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
