i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize