That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The maid of honor just puked.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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