so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
