Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
