Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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