i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
