your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
