Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
