She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
