the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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