Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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