I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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