I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
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