yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
