So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
