dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
