Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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