That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
