I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
