ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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