Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
