Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I think we might need a safe word for this...
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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