I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
