Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
