I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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