You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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