Don't make out with my wife yet
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
