kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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