Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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