Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
