I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
