the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Randomize
