she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
