And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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