Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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