the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
