I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
