when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Im part way to drunk.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
