I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
