I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
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