he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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