my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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