You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
