worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
