I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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