Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize