i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
