my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
