I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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