its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
