you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
