I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
