The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
