Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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