We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
