First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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