U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
You're a waste of cheezeits
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
