My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
