is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
only if we run a train.
done.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
