Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(646): View more from New York

it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet

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(503): View more from Oregon

it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.

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(619): View more from California

Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?

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(847): View more from Illinois

stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever

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(815): View more from Illinois

man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed

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(716): View more from New York

he smelled like listerine and beef tacos

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.

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(303): View more from Colorado

I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.

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