I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
