God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
