Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
