Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
