it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
