I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just gift wrapped bread.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
