Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
