worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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