Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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