I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Randomize
