the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
