also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
