In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
