when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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