when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Randomize
