also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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