She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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