I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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