i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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