Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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