I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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