You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
