Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
