Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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