We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
