He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize