I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize