my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
