I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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