Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
