you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize