Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
