I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
two words: eviction party
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize