The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
